Playing with fire (first part)

Thinking about you
Was like playing with fire
And I knew perfectly
That it could burn me
But I walked in straight
With my eyes fully opened,
And I wanted to get higher,
And I wanted to get closer,
And I wanted to get burnt.

Your fire was warm
And it was like a storm,
One that I could admire,
One that I should fear.
Your hands an art form,
Your mind that won’t conform,
And then my heart
that was completely torn
and I feared, would deform
Into something I would not
Be able to look at anymore.

(And why you? I asked myself,
It didn’t make any sense,
Except -your brain, your wit,
your voice in my mind,
that, that I could understand).

*

thank you very much for the warm welcome-back that I had, both here and in twitter, I could see that you like having me around throwing words randomly in a paper.

about this – this is the first part of something that I needed to do to clean myself, and I liked how it looked.

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Dating and flirting is exhausting

It’s always the same questions
It’s always the same answers
Thinking what to wear
And thinking how to wear it,
And it’s always the same need
Of measuring every step
It’s always the same need
Of looking out for yourself,
Because even if the key is to be
Exactly and precisely yourself,
how many people truly want to
see the person inside?
And how willing are you to hide?
Over, and over, and over again.
It’s damn exhausting
To go over that process again.

I’ll settle for a cat.

*

I guess I’m kind of resurrecting this? Trying to? I’ll see where this goes. Is there anyone around? Hello…?

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On Anxiety

A heavy stone
Inside my chest
Is this a test
That I must blow?

Sand is filling
My damn whole lungs
Nothing sounds as
I am digging.

I work to breathe,
Scratch my skin,
The answer, the sin
Lies underneath.

I can’t talk
I can’t speak
And I dream
With a lock.

*

This came out as I was trying to put words on feelings. I hope you like it. Thank you all for following the blog as I leave stuff here from time to time.

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It was then when I stopped

It was then when I frowned
It was then when I drowned
It was when I shouted
It was when I threatened
… to throw away the phone.
That’s when I saw that.
That it was getting bad
That I was getting mad
That all the calm I had
.. was flying away now.
So then I walked away
So then I stopped to pray
So I refused to obey
So then I painted gray
… All the walls around.
So I can paint them again,
Like a rainbow over a hall.

*

Mad, mad, mad, mad. A little bit of more madness. Call me crazy but I think I’m getting how this surviving thing works.

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It’s amazing how much those two coincide

fuckyoufuckoff

Today I just wanted to leave this here, as a summary of my thoughts.

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It’s not because I want to

If I don’t hold your hand
If I don’t reach to you
If I don’t call your name
If I don’t show myself
It’s not because I hate you
It’s not because I want to
It’s not because I feel bad
It’s not because of you
It’s because I hide well
It’s because I learnt it
It’s because I need to
It’s not because I want to.

I taught myself to hide
And as everything I try
I tried to become an expert.
Only,
This time,
I really succeeded.

*

It has been a while without posting anything… I didn’t think over this one much, so be kind, yeah?

Thank you (again!) for reading and following 🙂

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A bunch of verses: Hiding Away

I want to rip off
Every part of me
So you can see
What your acts mean.

I should rip off
Every part of your soul
So you can feel
What’s in front of you.

But I won’t do it
I will just hide away
So we both can
Just go on and rest.

*

I was going to title this “on how I am just going to end up being surrounded by cats and writing dirty stories on the internet” but it was too long so I changed it. Also: this wasn’t written this week, I just found it now and I felt like chaning bits and pieces and sharing it 🙂

I got angry stuff ready in my notebook that I have been writing the last weeks, but I don’t know when (if) all that will end up here.

Thank you for reading 🙂

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